69487

Joke of the Day

"Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US? Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776."

"DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person? ME: *gets really close to the date & whispers* I'm just a person, what bullshit question is this"

"I just saw a ghost with Tourrets. Fuckboo to you too."

"[zoo] ""This is the bear kids"" Wow I want his arms ""What? You cant ha.."" *kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment* ""Bring him the arms smh"""

"Why did the University of Kentucky have to put AstroTurf down on the stadium? To keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime."

"I'm taking an ornithology class as an elective to boost my GPA. It's a bird course."

"My friends recently got some copy of his grandfather's auschwitz diaries. They're a little brief though. Day 1: Showers"

"Twitter addiction A man goes to his doctor and says: -Doctor, I think i am addicted to Twitter. -Eh,sorry...I don't follow you."

"Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand."

"poor guy. The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries... Until I unpacked them all & said, ""That's how I want you to do it."""