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Joke of the Day

"I swallowed two pieces of string last night and this morning they came out of my ass tied together I shit you knot"

"What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive? Miscarriage"

"Where do cats go once they have used up all nine of their lives? Purrgatory."

"All the guys here in San Francisco are super nice. They keep asking if they can push my stool in. Even when I'm already sitting down or there are no chairs around."

"""Wanna see a movie?"" ""Can't. Don't exist yet."" ""Shit."" (1700s)"

"What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack? Nice"

"What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target."

"Millions of Thanksgiving turkeys recalled. It seems that someone forgot to butter their balls before they left the factory."

"What do you call horse hay from Mexico Jose"

"Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter."