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Joke of the Day

"The most toxic substances known to mankind. 1. Arsenic 2. Cyanide 3. Polonium 4. Mercury 5. The League of Legends community"

"Fortune cookie- You will have a successful TV show. Me- How old is this cookie?!"

"Why were the other fish calling the shark gay? He swallowed all of the seamen."

"What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common? Baristas"

"Have you guys heard about Reese Witherspoon? I Hershey is in a new movie."

"Coldplay is doing charity work in an African hospital. They met a few jaundice patients. Chris Martin said 'It was great. They were all yellow'"

"two Odessa women fall out with each other: - Oh, you old whore! - Sarah! I do not understand, what's age got to do with It ?!"

"Relationships are like yard sales.... They look like fun from a couple yards away, but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need."

"Can I have some orange juice? You: Can I have some orange juice? Other person: sure go ahead. You: Do you have any orange? Other person: what? You: I have jews but i dont have any orange."

"You can't blame me for making jokes about the earthquake. It's not my fault."