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Joke of the Day

"I'm a married white male; my forefathers saw to it that I'm not allowed to be offended by anything."

"Why does Tom Cruise like Scientology? It's given him a great cult following"

"Who is Donald Trump's favorite action star? Sylvester Small-Loan"

"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."

"I'masinglesexuallyfrustratedastronaut.YouknowwhatIcouldreallygofor? aSpaceBar"

"You didn't like it. I was gunna tell u a joke about my time machine"

"Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business"

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

"I told my girlfriend that I am over my ex... I don't have to feel guilty anymore."

"I kept getting my shin badly grazed by the pedal of my bike when I was was a kid, that was one vicious cycle."