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Joke of the Day

"Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business"

"I accidentally arrived at work five minutes early today. Speeding CAN be dangerous, kids."

"What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles? The sphinxster ...."

"When telling jokes to identical twins make sure you tell them the whole joke ........ because you just can't tell them a part."

"A liberal wins the powerball! Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!"

"""They say children learn by example, even for potty training."" -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn"

"Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow."

"Why did the owl 'owl? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er."

"I just saw a list of candidates for the local Juvenile Judge election and I just don't think juveniles should even be able to be judges idk"

"I know a man who came way too far. You could say, his biggest short coming was his long coming."