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Joke of the Day

"It's greats having your doctor say you're narcissistic. It's like being compared to the stuff of legends."

"Why are magicians always sad? Because everything they have disappears"

"Politicians are like sperm And often I find myself asking ""How did this one win?"""

"Hey girl with 20,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the fuck up."

"My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, ""I miss you dad, please take me fishing."" But it keeps coming out like, ""Hey, can I have $20 dollars."""

"Me: What do gay horses eat? Mom: Oh! I've heard this one, it's Haaaaaaay!"" Me: Wrong. Penises."

"Personally, I don't believe in ""bros before hoes"" or ""hoes before bros"" There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis if you will."

"How do you make a fruit cordial? Be nice to him."

"No I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at what I think of you."

"My New Years Resolution 4K"