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Joke of the Day
"How to tell if your kid is doing drugs 1. Are your drugs missing?"
Next Joke
"""Latte"" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee."
"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."
"Why did Microsoft skip to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9. (For those that haven't heard the news: http://www.polygon.com/2014/9/30/6873967/windows-10-announced-microsoft-pc)"
"[praying in church] Please God let church end early"
"At some point in time, the brain named itself. You think it would have gone with something a little better, like Bernard."
"When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyonce Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like ""I work here now."""
"What do they call deepthroating in Asia? They don't have a word for it."
"Hit 1,000 followers and a 100 star tweet on the same day! Do you know what that means?! 900 of you don't read my shit."
"Why do women always sleep on the left side of the bed? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!!!"