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Joke of the Day

"[praying in church] Please God let church end early"

"Selfie Stick - Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can't ask a stranger to take a pic for you"

"I got accused yesterday of ""plagiarism!!!"" Their words, not mine."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You cry when you cut an onion."

"Wat did the mermaid wear to her math exam? An algae-bra."

"Did you hear about the dog who went to the flea circus? He stole the show."

"So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up "" Happy hour special: Lobster tail and beer!"" I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!"

"I saw my ex wife in a grocery store. ""Having fun there?"" I asked her, as she felt up the apples. ""Does that remind you of someone?"" She said, ""No, but this does,"" Then she started rubbing the grapes."

"So I was going down on this chic... So I was going down on this chic the other night, when I tasted horse semen, so I stopped and said, ""Really Gran? That's how you died?"""

"Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business."