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Joke of the Day

"I think the scariest Halloween decorations I've seen this year have to be All the little blue signs that say Trump-Pence on them"

"How do you know you're talking to a sales guy? He says ""I'm not a sales guy""."

"So I just got back from a trip in Germany, and I realized how awful American children are. While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder."

"My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different."

"What's white, hard, and 12 inches long? Nothing."

"Funny talks make smile always. A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."

"Why did the ant fall off of the toilet seat? He got pissed off"

"The world right now is like when you'd get bored with your Sim City and just use all the disaster options at once"

"Note to guy who hit the crosswalk button like 45 seconds after I did & just then it changed: You didn't do that. I did that."

"Never have sex after getting a concussion. It's fucking confusing."