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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally said HAIL SANTA instead of HAIL SATAN at satanic church today and now everyone is laughing at me and they took away my robes."

"Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote ""dirty Jew"" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year."

"Hank Hill works at an S&M sex shop And he sells pro-pain accessories."

"my agent sent me a list of my followers & circled all crude avatars in red ink. if i dont block these people it WILL cost me the Arby's deal"

"It's nice that friends keep picking up my kids for play dates. It'd be even nicer if they'd stop bringing them back home."

"Your secrets safe with me.. I stopped listening to you 30 minutes ago..."

"What's black and screams Stevie wonder answering the iron"

"[everyone in the STI clinic glaring at my Pokemon shirt] ""No no it means like, I want to catch all the Pokemon"""

"What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'? I've been flamed!"

"my car is dead & i saw a dead spider under the hood so like, do i need a new spider? i dont know a lot about how cars work"