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Joke of the Day

"July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers."

"My parents were shot and killed in an alley feelsbatman"

"What is the difference between sex and golf? In golf, less strokes is enough to win. I could actually use some help refining the punchline on this one if anyone has some ideas."

"A husband came home with half gallon a of ice cream and asked his wife if she wanted some. ""How hard is it?"" she asked. ""About as hard as my dick,"" he replied. ""Pour me some."""

"What do you call 12 enchiladas? A footilada!"

"I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than my cat, but he refuses to take the test. It unnerves me, because that's totally what a genius would do..."

"Charles Dickens' book on wine making, Grape Expectations."

"I went through a Skrillex phase I had to stop though. It got expensive dropping everything all the time!"

"If Jason Bateman had a servant... Would his servant call him Master Bateman?"

"Why do people make fun of me because I've never grabbed a girl's boobs? I still don't get tit."