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Joke of the Day
"I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle."
Next Joke
"If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken."
"I saw 300 lbs crammed into a pair of small yoga pants so now I understand how the Tardis on Dr. Who is real."
"I normally despise the idea of ""separate but equal"", but I would love a separate gay drink menu."
"Bought a new boomerang Can't throw away my old one"
"The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat."
"Two deer are leaving a gay bar... and one say to the other in disappointment ""man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"""
"[movie theater] TRAILER ANNOUNCER: how far will one man go.....to protect what he loves ME: [turning to person behind me] pretty far i bet"
"Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow."
"A pencil isn't as phallic as a pen is."