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Joke of the Day

"Just because you are chubby and heartbroken doesn't mean you must sing Adele's song on Karaoke."

"What's the most popular red wine?? We want our land back!!"

"So me and my demons are gonna have a few bloody mary's and see where the day takes us. Would you and your demons like to tag along?"

"What is the most exciting sport in the world? Camping. Its in tents."

"GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"Give a man a fish, where's he supposed to put it? Get away from him you weirdo."

"How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, change comes from within."

"3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees."

"If I could make the ultimate scary animal, I'd make it hybrid with the head of a bear, bear claws, and the body of a bear."

"Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower? Because they're the largest re-tail-er"