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Joke of the Day

"Now we're going to say some shit to scare old people. -the local news"

"If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd install dimmer lights in the bathroom. Should anyone dim the lights, I'd have a song play. When the Lights Go Down in the Shitty"

"Her: ""Is that you in your avi?"" Me: ""No, it's a picture of me."""

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns... But I soon realized that toucan play at that game"

"What do you call a group of crows dressed as geese? A murder most fowl"

"I asked a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless"

"I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought ""what would Jesus do?"" ... so I turned it into wine."

"Why are London buses red? Because they have to come every 10 minutes"

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches."

"Why are circles so knowledgeable? Because they have three hundred and sixty degrees."