119910
Joke of the Day
"I asked a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless"
Next Joke
"Girl: I can't wait to have kids! I babysit so I pretty much know what it's like to be a parent. It'll be easy. Me: *laughs for 20 minutes*"
"Helped my kid pick out a ""famous past explorer"" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6."
"I opened a new nightclub named 'Erectile Dysfunction'. It was a complete flop, nobody came."
"22 year old me after a night of drinking: ""I hope I didn't do anything stupid."" 29 year old me: ""I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."""
"Muslim officials denounce gorilla warfare Calling it ""absolutely harambe"""
"Teacher: Fill out the parent form. Me: Why? Teacher: So I can contact you if your kid gets in trouble. Me: *writing* Raised. By. Wolves."
"What was FDR's most famous maritime obscenity law? The Nude Eel."
"What do you call a Mexican child? A paragraph, because he isn't yet an ese."
"I feel sorry for Piers Morgan. He's basically Piers Morgan, trapped in Piers Morgan's body."