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Joke of the Day

"Ever hear the joke about the insecure comedian? ...it's okay, you probably wouldn't have liked it, anyway."

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"*practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] ""One grander none-fatty flaparinno"" barista: ... ""I'll try again tomorrow"""
"Do you know why the Little Mermaid wore seashells? Because she was too small for D shells."
"Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby."
"What all girls want? All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are ""69"""
"You: ""Nice glasses."" Me: ""Thanks. They'd look better on your nightstand."""
"Why is a train a bad person to go to the bar with? Because all he says is ""Chug Chug Chug"""
"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef"
"The Supreme Court is like regular court but with sour creme, guacamole and extra cheese."
"I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. ... ... I now have $999,999.75"