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Joke of the Day

"What blood type do happy people have? B Positive."

"E-Mail: Drive her wild in the bedroom. Me: Feh...I'll drive her wild in the kitchen *Re-arranges the dishwasher."

"Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom."

"My son came to my crying today and said, ""Dad, when you are at work, Uncle Dave touches me."" Couldn't believe it.. My own son... A fucking snitch"

"I'm catching a lot of Pokemon on my drive home... ... because the hospital stay after a car accident tends to make the commute last much longer."

"Why did Jesus stop playing Hockey? He just kept getting nailed to the boards. Sorry too anyone offended, but come on, why are you here if you get offended. PS, Sorry Jesus, its funny!"

"Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out."

"Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player"

"Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu sir? Monster: No thanks just bring me the passenger list."

"Doctors to Patients The patient says, ""Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."" The doctor says, ""Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."""