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Joke of the Day

"My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage"

"Caitlin Jenner and the Carolina Panthers have some things in common... There balls drop when they get hit by sacks."

"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... ...all it was doing was gathering dust."

"Yo momma... Yo momma so stupid she wanted to buy tickets to watch xbox live."

"Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened."

"What did Jesus say after he was resurrected? Nailed it"

"Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery? They had no leads."

"Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate? A: He's the one with patches over both eyes."

"What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping? A clean sheet."

"Technically... It's only illegal when you get arrested."