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Joke of the Day

"How do you catch a unique cat? Unique up on it."

"Before I got on the toilet, I was trying to look for toilet paper... And I almost lost my shit."

"What do you put in a box to make it lighter? Courtney Love"

"what kind of knife is used to perform female circumcision? a beaver cleaver"

"Why did the condom fly around the room? It was pissed off."

"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother? My name is Paul."

"i like how at the end of old movies it says the end' so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved"

"School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis? Fred: Only when I tried to spell it."

"Why can't girls count to 70? 'Cause 69's a mouthful!"

"Women's voices naturally get higher as they get excited so if you're in bed and she still sounds like Morgan Freeman, try harder."