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Joke of the Day

"My therapist asked me to list my good qualities:nnNice to everyone's facenUsually wear deodorantnThin cheese slicernnThat took four hours."

"I bet there would be a lot more wars if there weren't boobs. I haven't seen a boob in 2 days and I'm ready to kill someone."

"Why did the coed have sex with a Mexican? Her professor told her if she wanted to pass, she had to do an essay"

"Dear Mom and Dad, if you can read this tweet, Congratulations!!! it's time for lesson number 10."

"How many Catholics can you fit in a habit? Nun"

"Light Yagami thought he was going to die on those stairs, but then he woke up the next day... And realized it was just a Near-Death experience."

"I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'"

"I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated. I was better after I evacuated my vowels."

"I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?"

"I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass."