127569

Joke of the Day

"I'm Only Here For The Free Food"

"[first day as diving instructor] Guy [from the back]: what's the signal for a shark Me: sharks don't really give signals they just show up"

"Yo Mama so dumb she put lipstick on her fore-head to make up her mind."

"my uber driver said today, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left"""

"why was Pavlov's hair so soft? classical conditioning."

"What do you call a helicopter mixed with a rhino?? Well hell-if-i-know!"

"Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it."

"If woman had apostrophes instead of periods, they'd be even more possessive and prone to contractions."

"i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed i'll call it 'glazed and confused'."

"Fetty Wap could probably get more girls. Too bad he's not much of a looker."