231629

Joke of the Day

"Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it."

"The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real."

"Wanna hear a joke about ebola? never mind, you probably won't get it."

"CVS clerk: Receipt? Me: Sure *God uses 2 fingers to gently close the eyes of an entire rain forest*"

"My nephew asked, ""What's the secret to a long life?"" I said, ""Never order vegetarian in Texas"""

"*wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*"

"Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do5 Abandon4 Lie3 Cheat2 Abuse1 Forget to start the dishwasher"

"Really, IKEA? No free WiFi? Or do I have to buy one and assemble it?"

"Why didn't the pirate get into the movie? It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"What do you call shit that comes out with a fart? An Unexpecturd."