205401

Joke of the Day

"If woman had apostrophes instead of periods, they'd be even more possessive and prone to contractions."

"Mom, Am I adopted? Son: Mom, Am I adopted? Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?"

"It was definitely Adam and Steve - what kind of straight man hangs out in a garden??"

"Wife: Whatchya thinking about? Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff."

"Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature? First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare"

"Letsh Have Shex! Horny Sean Connery"

"People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie."

"What do a call a fish with no eyes A blind fish"

"One of my peers asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. After struggling to come up with an answer, I decided to go get laser eye surgery. Now I've got 2020 vision...."

"If your rape whistle doesn't work you're fucked."