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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, ""Well I can clearly see you're nuts."""

"What drink do you have on Halloween? Mali-BOO"

"The perfect woman is 3 feet 4 inches tall with a square head ... So you can rest a can of beer on her head while she blows you."

"Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle."

"What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until hes 13"

"I like my women like a microwave. She is hot and kills all the babies i put inside her."

"Friend: Hey dude, tell me a joke. Me: Pussy. Friend: I don't get it? Me: I know you don't..."

"[at a fancy restuarant] WIFE: make sure u leave a good tip ME: ok [writing on bill] ""only evolve ur pokemon when uve activated a lucky egg"""

"Every minivan without an honor student bumper sticker should be required to have one that says, ""My child is a disappointment."""

"The length of time toddlers stare at each other on the playground would get you stabbed if you did that shit as an adult."