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Joke of the Day

"I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"""How about a scarf?"" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day."

"Why wasn't the man considered attractive? The laws of gravity didn't apply to him."

"'I'm really excited about the Pixar cowboy figure I got for my birthday.' 'Woody?' 'Not quite that excited.'"

"My old dog What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing. He wont come when you call."

"The two most valuable lessons I've learned in life: 1) never reveal everything you know."

"If guys were smart they would forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls buying frozen dinners and cat food."

"I'm just one more bad decision away from my own reality show."

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat."

"I turned 18 today so the first thing I did was your mom"