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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat."

"John Goodman descends from the sky on his hang glider, scooping stray cats into his mouth like a pelican."

"I went to the optometrist the other day and he told me I was colourblind... It came right out of the purple"

"What department store is named after the things jews hate the most and love the most? JC Penney. ^I'm ^^going ^^^to ^^^^hell."

"Why have the Chinese not got telephone directories? There's so many Wing's and Wong's they might wing the wong number."

"What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer? Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being."

"I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. ""Meow."" Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!"

"I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage."

"A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions which your wife asks for nothing."

"What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ? A sourpuss !"