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Joke of the Day

"you don't need to thank everyone on facebook for your birthday messages, they were not sincere."

"If fire hydrants have H2O inside them, what do they have outside? K9P"

"Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*."

"Why is Arrested Development funny? Because the farce is strong with that one."

"A letter to Paul from the Corinthians: Hey sup Paul. This is the Corinthians. This is my new number"

"If you live in the US always be careful to not break your leg because you have to sell it after fixing it to cover the cost"

"Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body."

"[taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."

"Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period."

"if all my friends jumped off a cliff I wouldn't do it too because cats can land on their feet they'll be fine"