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Joke of the Day

"Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX"

"I have a friend named Free Bird He gets lost at concerts."

"Why do people say ""fat people are lazy""? Fat people get themselves food, I'm skinny because I'm too lazy to get myself food."

"This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself."

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs."

"I'm not high! - high people I'm not drunk! - drunk people I'm not lying! - lying people I'm not gay! - my brother"

"These twins I knew in high school both got mono... They got stereo"

"As I rowed my little boatToward the river shore,A small black bird kept me from landing,Quoth the raven, ""never moor."""

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents"