58477

Joke of the Day

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping. Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am"

"What do you call an Asian wearing contacts? Customization. GET IT?? CUSTOM EYES ASIAN!!!"

"I just ate a family... ...sized kraft Mac n cheese and now I'm too full to get drunk by myself tonight."

"How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh I don't think that's possible. Oh yes it is - I'm nine today."

"For this Valentines day, I'll be inundated. Oops. I mean I'll be in, undated."

"I don't understand the concept of foreskin It goes right over my head"

"What cheese is not yours? Not your cheese...."

"Stranger: ""Excuse me where is the nearest..."" Me: ""GOOGLE IT!"""

"We get it, painters: you love naked women and bowls of fruit."