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Joke of the Day

"Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant."

"*bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*"

"Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then."

"When does a heterosexual man leave a gay bar? Straight away."

"A hipster just darted in front of me in traffic. I almost didn't see him because he was so ironic."

"What do gays and Donald Trump have in common? They're fucking assholes."

"I know a great joke about a FedEx plane but it's probably over your head."

"The emperor's new joke"

"Being molested by a teacher is twice as bad for home-schooled kids."

"Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court? It was charged with a salt."