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Joke of the Day

"*bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*"

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"I came in second at a Monica Lewinsky look alike competition. . . . . . the judge said I was close, but no cigar."
"ROTFLMAOBNHETKMFTARLA Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off, but not hard enough to keep me from typing a really long acronym."
"What is Forrest Gumps password? 1forrest1"
"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? an Investigator"
"My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him."
"After years of searching for my girlfriend's G-spot, who would have guessed her sister had it all this time!"
"Coffee so black, you won't ever go back to sleep."
"What's the difference between falling from the 1st and 10th floor? Falling from the 1st floor: SPLAT! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Falling from the 10th floor: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SPLAT!"
"Having sex is like playing bridge, If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand"
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