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Joke of the Day

"A Girl called me Daddy last night... So I told her I was going out to buy cigarettes and never came back."

"I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays."

"What do grapefruit and women have in common? The best ones squirt when you eat them."

"What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry hahaha fuck you all"

"Why is sleep only fun when you're supposed to be awake?"

"Do you like my new baby sister ? The stalk bought her. Hmm it looks as if the stalk dropped her on her head."

"ELI5: Why do i suck at posting in the right sub?"

"Do you know the difference between a mailbox and an elephant's asshole? No? Remind me not to give you a letter to mail."

"What do you get when you hold two green balls tightly in your hand? A leprachaun's undivided attention."

"Wife: Have you seen my razor? Me: [with only one eyebrow] I have not"