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Joke of the Day

"I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. ""No,"" she said, taking a sip of her water. I said, ""Well, you have now."""

"Why does George R.R Martin never use Twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters."

"How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement? Collecting stocks and bonds."

"URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY ""NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY"" PLEASE SAY YES."

"Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate"

"funny how dumbass pet animals will eat the same thing every day without realizing that Subway offers over 19 different ways to Eat FreshTM"

"me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched ""The Wedding Planner"""

"Celebrities are called stars because they're hot, not very bright, unattainable and destined to eventually collapse into a black hole."

"What do a brick and I have in common? We both get laid by hand."

"What happened when the man put in mypenis as a password? Error not long enough."