118176

Joke of the Day

"me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched ""The Wedding Planner"""

"I'm making a bucket list, Some of the girls on my friends list are on it"

"I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use Real dinosaurs.."

"Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise but it's hard to get them to work."

"How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man? (pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)"

"I sometimes watch birds and wonder ""If I could fly who would I shit on?"""

"Did you hear about the rabbi who had a wallet made out of foreskins? He could rub it and turn it into a suitcase."

"So I was in the movie theatre... and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon."

"I've got a joke about dyslexia. If you don't get it I'll spell it out for you."

"[gazes up at moons] [that's right in this tweet there's several moons] [girl kisses me] [that's right in this tweet I am not human garbage]"