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Joke of the Day

"2yo's favorite cartoon is teaching him about centrifugal force. When I was little, my favorite cartoon taught me never to order from Acme."

"When someone with a lisp says bismuth... You know they mean business."

"British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds."

"I'm naming my kid Johncena Because he was unexpected"

"[NSFW] Do you know what really brings out the child in me? A miscarriage."

"A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff... *Baah Dum Tssssss*"

"This is where I draw the line! ________________________________________________________"

"Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE? ... because it's too cold out-tide."

"100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?"

"I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid."