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Joke of the Day

"British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds."

"What do you call jokes about eyes? Vitreous humour."

"What do you feed someone in a coma from breakfast? Coma-toast."

"Do you want to hear the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There's no point to it, anyway."

"I called in a reserve player... from the wrong team! Whoops, wrong sub"

"What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm? Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour."

"Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004, R): Harold and Kumar go to White Castle"

"So the bus driver said to the string ""Are you a string?"" and the string said ""No I'm afraid not"". (A frayed knot)."

"I got depressed last night so I called a self help hotline... I couldn't get through, the line was always busy."

"How do you defeat an American? Don't do anything, just place a mirror in front of them and see as they squirm."