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Joke of the Day

"Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast? Because in France one egg is un uf."

"I'm going to bang my head into the wall repeatedly. Is that okay? Sure, kid. Knock yourself out."

"I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need."

"wife: I TOLD you not to try a 360 with the grocery cart me: It was really nice when everyone started clapping after they saw I was ok though"

"Why is 7 afraid of 8? It's not, numbers don't have emotions."

"Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!"

"Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me."

"What does a pig use for his skin? Oinkment."

"You'd think your skeleton would get soggy, but doesn't. Good work, skeleton."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"