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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's been listening to a lot of books on tape lately. She's going to get very good at measuring, wrapping and recording things."

Next Joke
 
"Me: ""I can't turn on the shower"" Plumber: ""It's seen you naked so often the excitement's gone. Try dressing up"" *Hands over shower cap*"
"Roses are red... Roses are red. Harambe was shot. I am Rick Harrison. This is my pawn shop."
"I was fired from my job as a bingo caller.... ....apparently ""a meal for two with a hairy view"" is not the way to call number 69."
"INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean ""if"" Harry Potter was real?"
"hey girl, are you into adopting animals? Because I will probably pee in your bed and run away"
"Brexit, for France AdiEU"
"Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy? One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater."
"I got a handjob from a blind girl last night. She said ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."". I said ""Nah, You're just pulling my leg.""."
"You are the pebble in my shoe of people."