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Joke of the Day

"What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight? Don't look! I'm changing!"

"With the PSN down I've had a chance to speak to my children... They seem nice"

"What is the only result for Ear-rape? Hearing AIDS."

"My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop cheating on her Damn, I never thought she took a card game this seriously."

"A sarcastic thumbs-up is a good substitute for the middle finger."

"I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut. She was fucking nuts."

"I once saw my grandparents have sex And that's why I don't eat raisins"

"I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese."

"Why did the number 6 cry? Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)"

"BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says ""2 Days Without Being Annoyed"" [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]"