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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop cheating on her Damn, I never thought she took a card game this seriously."

"I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in 5 years...... I don't have 2020 vision"

"What do Badgers and Gynecologists have in common? they both like to root around in your cellar"

"Actors retweeting compliments is the modern day version of actors murdering hookers."

"It's so freeing to be single again because now I can finally catch up on all the things I've been meaning to do like being really lonely."

"A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG."

"I am going bananas. That's what I say to my bananas before I leave in the morning."

"Why was oedipus against profanity Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"

"*Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT"

"Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because they like to climax at the part when the hooker gives the money back."