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Joke of the Day

"Just got college letters from the marines, navy, army and coast guard. Well obviously somebody has been watching me play Call Of Duty..."

"How do Christians eat their icecream? They Catholick it."

"Hey! I took my diaper off, see? Oh! Look! I found your power drill! Gonna go see if it fits an outlet.. Bye! -My 2yo when I'm on the toilet"

"Whats the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme"

"Hitler had one hell of a speech writer. People called him the grammar nazi."

"I did a theatrical performance on puns... It was a play on words. I'll let myself out."

"Husband to wife: Honey, what would you do if I won the lottery? Wife: I'd divorce you and take half the money Husband: Well I won $10, here's your 5, now fuck off!"

"What do you call a group of brain surgeons? A neural network."

"Did you hear that they are building massive oscillating blades in New York? I wasn't a big fan of the idea"

"I crossed the road, walked into the bar and changed a lightbulb. It was at that moment I realised my life was a joke."