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Joke of the Day

"So far 42 out of 43 presidents actually ran for office. FDR just kind of rolled himself in there."

"At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter. I nearly choked on my #Brown"

"What do you call someone who failed rehab? Back on crack"

"""That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it."" - Sharks and Toddlers"

"Why couldn't Diablo get his bros out of jail? He couldn't pay for Baal"

"What does a Dalek do in the shower? EXFOLIATE!"

"The Church used to teach that all babies that die go to Limbo, but it was easy for them because they're so short."

"They named a paint color after my ex... It's called *Whore Red*. It's not very bright, but its cheap and spreads easily."

"2 fish are in a tank One of them says ""You drive, I'll shoot!"""

"Yo momma... Is so fat she started a new diet, lost a lot of weight and is doing really well now."