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Joke of the Day

"There's plenty more fish in the sea ""Actually we've 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod"" I'm bad at consoling dumped friends"

"Went to a zoo the other day. The only exhibit was a dog. it was a shitzu"

"How do you make a Scottish omelette?"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts."

"So I heard on the news that there was a school shooting in my city of Chicago. It must've been a slow news day."

"Things that have occurred in history since the Chicago Cubs last won a World Series... I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself."

"All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive... ...they would eventually find me attractive."

"Fetty Wapp was fired from 3 cashier jobs before turning to rap music No matter what items were scanned through, the total always came up to $17.38"

"A hillbilly tells his parents he won't marry his fiance because she is a virgin. ""If she isn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours!"""