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Joke of the Day

"What do you need when you're not doing well in your Advanced Placement U.S. History class? A Push"

"[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there"

"What's A Pirate's Favorite thing too do? Hook up"

"The masochist and a sadist. What did the masochist say to the sadist? *Hit me.* What did the sadist say to the masochist? *No.*"

"I was going to go to the Alzheimer's charity run yesterday. But I forgot."

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"Some guy was reported to have gone crazy in a public bathroom. I guess you could say he lost his shit."

"Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day."

"Before we announce the winner of the Best Bomb Defuser award let's pause for a moment to remember the runner-ups"

"(Real Story) All of a sudden, my Steam language was set to Russian. I was changing it back to English, when my hand slipped. But it's okay, now. I have everything in Czech."