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Joke of the Day

"help keep the English language alive by teaching your kids nearly outdated expressions Plus nothing beats a 5yo pointing & yelling ""BEHOLD!"""

"They should have never given you girls fake eyelashes. This chick just blinked and it sounded like a flock of pigeons took off."

"When an ad says critics are ""raving"" over a movie, I picture them all in a dark warehouse twirling glowsticks & giving each other back rubs."

"What do you call a pregnant nun who cycles to church everyday? No seriously, a friend asked me this and I didn't know."

"Perfect Answer by Father. A little boy says, Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.' Son,' says the dad. That happens everywhere."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? **One.** They're very efficient and don't have a great sense of humour."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Census ! Census who ? Census presents for Christmas !"

"Why did the plane crash because the pilots we're muffins"

"UFC president Dana White called Conor McGregor this morning... He greeted him with ""Buenos Diaz"""

"What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft? A-flat minor (or a broken piano)"