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Joke of the Day

"How do you get an elephant on a train? You take the ""S"" out of sub, and the ""F"" out of way. [Say it out loud]"

"Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready."

"What did baby corn say to momma corn? where is popcorn?"

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? (NSFW) At least a zit waits you're a teenage boy before it cums on your face."

"I just killed like a dozen carpenter ants and now I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these little tool belts."

"if the waitress at this brunch doesn't give me the Mother's Day special then I shaved my legs and stole this baby for nothing"

"A gay guy just called me an asshole... Does that mean he likes me?"

"""Hey, my face is UP HERE and also OVER HERE"" - woman in Picasso painting"

"People say I am condescending. THAT MEANS I TALK DOWN TO PEOPLE."

"What is easier to load your van with bowling balls or screaming baby's? Baby's because you can use a pitchfork"