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Joke of the Day

"People say I am condescending. THAT MEANS I TALK DOWN TO PEOPLE."

"I asked a Jewish girl for her number... She rolled up her sleeve"

"Did you hear the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines across the nation!"

"You're right, vegetarian. Meat IS murder. ...and I'm sure no bunnies, squirrels or mice died during the harvesting of your garden salad."

"I'm going to be late I'm at the hospital getting my hymen restored, so I'm a bit de-laid."

"TIL That there was a German warship during WW2 that accidentally sunk 34 friendly submarines. Edit:Whoops, wrong sub."

"What do you call a black person that flys an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard"

"What is 50 Cent's guiding philosophy? Be the change you want to see in the world."

"What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app? Spotafly."

"What do you call two gay Irish partners? John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn"