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Joke of the Day

"I just got a job circumcising elephants. The pay is terrible, but the tips are huge."

"If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD."

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? Who the fuck eats parsley?"

"Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens"

"""Yes, I remember you saying"" - Translation: Please stop saying that"

"How can north korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine? By how fast it sinks."

"Girls are like league of legends You put in time and money just to get fucked"

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Wouldn't that make frowning an exercise? You lazy bastards."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it."

"""Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day."" - Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life."