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Joke of the Day

"The right response to ""I'm a bit tied up at the moment"" isn't ""what are you wearing?"" Apparently."

"oh the aliens aren't speaking to us right now because idk they're pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever"

"What's the difference between Leibniz and the Civil Rights Movement? Leibniz was able to integrate in 1675."

"To be a man is basically to watch a beautiful Rose go by and think, ""I want to fuck that in the butt"""

"What's the worst single thing you could do to someone? Start dating them"

"[nsfw] I knew a girl who had a miscarriage while taking a shower It was the worst baby shower ever"

"When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help."

"How did the hipster drown? he jumped in the mainstream"

"I came home to find my best friend fucking my girlfriend Bad dog, you know you're not allowed on the furniture."

"Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too"