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Joke of the Day

"That outfit is very becoming on you Then again, if I was on you, I would be cumming, too."

"How was the red sea made? Over a very long period."

"Do you want to hear a joke about suicide? So there was this girl."

"What do you call a gay guy in a coma? A watermelon."

"My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together. Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking."

"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"

"Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'"

"Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table."

"What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules? Draculaw"

"""Hey, my face is UP HERE and also OVER HERE"" - woman in Picasso painting"